Season 11 (1982-83)

Regular Cast: Alan Alda, David Ogden Stiers, Mike Farrell, Harry Morgan, Loretta Swit, Jamie Farr, William Christopher

Hey, Look Me Over (1-G21)
Episode 236 (11×01)
Aired October 25, 1982
Written by Alan Alda
Directed by Susan Oliver
Guest Stars: Kellye Nakahara, Peggy Feury, Perry Lang, Deborah Harmon

After the nurse return to the 4077th, the camp is inspected by a female nurse colonel who is tough as nails (to whom the nurses compare Margaret, who realizes she is being too hard on her nurses). The camp has worked very hard to get the camp ready for the inspection. Nurse Kelleye is upset with Hawkeye because he does not treat her like he does the other nurses. Hawkeye realizes she is correct, and he apologizes.

Trick or Treatment (9-B01)
Episode 237 (11×02)
Aired November 1, 1982
Written by Dennis Keonig
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: George Wendt, Richard Lineback, Andrew Clay, James Lough

Halloween at the 4077th brings a fresh batch of wounded to a group of surgeons dressed up for a party. Charles treats a soldier with a pool ball in his mouth, a young soldier refuses to eat, a soldier who was thought to be dead is not, and the camp shares scary stories in OR.

Foreign Affairs (1-G22)
Episode 238 (11×03)
Aired November 8, 1982
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Melinda Mullins, Jeffrey Tambor, Soon Teck Oh, Byron Chung

Charles falls in love with a French nurse, but discovers she has a past he does not approve of. Meanwhile, an enemy soldier is given a prize from the Army and a free trip to the United States. When the enemy soldier does not want to go, an English speaking Korean is sent in his place.

The Joker is Wild (1-G24)
Episode 239 (11×04)
Aired November 15, 1982
Written by John Rappaport and Dennis Koenig
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Guest Stars: Clyde Kusatsu, David Haid

Hawkeye bets BJ he cannot play a joke on everyone in the camp in a 24-hour period. Hawkeye plays a joke on everyone except Hawkeye, but it turns out the whole joke was on Hawkeye who becomes paranoid. Meanwhile, a friend of BJ’s visits the camp.

Who Knew? (1-G18)
Episode 240 (11×05)
Aired November 22, 1982
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Harry Morgan
Guest Stars: Kellye Nakahara, Enid Kent

When a nurse at the 4077th is killed, Hawkeye decides to deliver her eulogy as a tribute to a woman he wishes he had gotten to know better. Meanwhile, Klinger tries to get Charles to invest an invention.

Bombshells (9-B02)
Episode 241 (11×06)
Aired November 28, 1982
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Gerald O’Laughlin, Allen Williams, Stu Charno

Hawkeye and Charles start a rumor that Marilyn Monroe is going to visit the 4077th. The rumor quickly gets out of control, and they have to do something to stop it. Meanwhile, BJ goes on a fishing trip with a helicopter pilot and on their way, they try to rescue a wounded soldier, but BJ has to cut the rope.

Settling Debts (1-G23)
Episode 242 (11×07)
Aired December 6, 1982
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Mike Switzer
Guest Stars: Guy Boyd, Jeff East

Col. Potter’s wife sends Hawkeye a letter explaining that she was able to pay the mortgage early and to surprise the colonel. The gang decides to throw him a surprise party but has to try and keep an angry Col. Potter away from his tent when he thinks his wife has bought a houseboat. Meanwhile, BJ operates on a young lieutenant who was shot by a sniper. A few men under the lieutenant’s command decide to shoot the sniper.

The Moon is Not Blue (1-G20)
Episode 243 (11×08)
Aired December 13, 1982
Written by Larry Balmagia
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Hamilton Camp, Sandy Helberg, Jan Jorden

Hawkeye and BJ try to get a film that has been blacklisted. When they get the movie to Korea, the local film distributor sends it to generals only. Meanwhile, Hawkeye and BJ convince Klinger that placebos are real pills that cure heat. Hawkeye and BJ also give the pills to a young soldier to give him confidence. A general in Post-Op declares the camp is dry.

Run for the Money (9-B03)
Episode 244 (11×09)
Aired December 20, 1982
Written by Mike Farrell, David Pollock, and Elias Davis
Directed by Nell Cox
Guest Stars: Thomas Calloway, Mark Anderson, Phil Brock, William Schilling, Robert Alan Browne

Father Mulcahy announces that the orphanage needs a lot of work. Klinger learns an Olympic class runner is being sent to the 4077th and they decide to put him up against the 8063rd’s runner. When he arrives, they discover the Olympic runner is really the runner’s father. They have Mulcahy run against him in the race who agrees only if the winnings go to the orphanage. Meanwhile, Charles pays close attention to a wounded soldier with a stutter.

U.N., the Night and the Music (9-B06)
Episode 245 (11×10)
Aired January 3, 1983
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Harry Morgan
Guest Stars: George Innes, Kavi Raz, Dennis Holahan, David Packer

A group from the UN arrives to the camp to observe. Margaret falls in love with the Swedish member of the group (who is terrified), Charles talks with the British member of the group, and Klinger and Col. Potter learn how to relieve stress from the member of the group from India. Meanwhile, BJ has a hard time telling a soldier he had to remove his leg.

Strange Bedfellows (9-B07)
Episode 246 (11×11)
Aired January 10, 1983
Written by Mike Farrell
Directed by Karen L. Hall
Guest Stars: Dennis Dugan, Benjamin F. Wilson

Col. Potter’s son-in-law comes to visit while he is on a business trip in Tokyo. The colonel learns that his son-in-law had an affair while he was in Tokyo. Meanwhile, the camp convinces Charles that he snores.

Say No More (9-B08)
Episode 247 (11×12)
Aired January 24, 1983
Written by John Rappaport
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: John Anderson, Michael Horton, Chip Johnson, James Karen

When Margaret is about to go to Tokyo to visit with a famous doctor, she comes down with a case of laryngitis. Charles contacts the doctor for Margaret and, eventually, he agrees to come to t 4077th to meet her. Meanwhile, a general’s son is injured, and the general sets up shop at the camp to oversee his son’s recovery. The general pauses for a moment when his son dies from his wounds but goes right back to work.

Friends and Enemies (9-B05)
Episode 248 (11×13)
Aired February 7, 1983
Written by Karen L. Hall
Directed by Jamie Farr
Guest Stars: John McLiam

A friend of Col. Potters is wounded and is treated at the 4077th. Col. Potter gets mad when Hawkeye informs him his friend was giving orders where he should not have been. The colonel has a hard time turning his friend in. Meanwhile, BJ has an ingrown toenail and is stuck in the Swamp with Charles who is playing his music. After BJ files down the needle of Charles’ record player, he tries to sweet talk Margaret into letting him use hers.

Give and Take (9-B09)
Episode 249 (11×14)
Aired February 14, 1983
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Craig Wasson, G.W. Bailey, Derek Wong

Charles forgets to collect the money for charity from everyone on payday, so he passes it on and eventually everyone has had a chance at it. Eventually it winds up in the hands of Charles. Meanwhile, a young soldier is happy when he wounded a North Korean who was trying to steal his boots. When the North Korean dies, the solder feels guilty.

As Time Goes By (9-B10)
Episode 250 (11×15)
Aired February 21, 1983
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Guest Stars: Rosalind Chao, G.W. Bailey, Michael Swan, Mark Herrier, Jeff Maxwell

Margaret and Hawkeye are getting together items to burry a time capsule. When Hawkeye and Margaret cannot agree on which items should be put in the capsule, Hawkeye decides to make his own. Meanwhile, Rizzo tricks BJ into believing a fake grenade is real and BJ uses Charles to pay him back. A young Korean woman is accused of shooting an American soldier. When she is found to be innocent, Klinger tries to help her find her parents.

Goodbye, Farewell and Amen (9-B04)

2.5 Hour Series Finale
Episode 251 (11×16)
Aired February 28, 1983
Written by Alan Alda, Burt Metcalfe, John Rappaport, Thad Mumford, Dan Wilcox, David Pollock, Elias Davis, and Karen Hall
Directed by Alan Alda
Guest Stars: Allan Arbus, Rosalind Chao, G.W. Bailey, Shari Saba, Jeff Maxwell, Gwen Farrell, Kellye Nakahara, Roy Goldman

Although reports that the war is almost over reach the camp with increasing frequency, the 4077th is still full with refugees and prisoners of war. Fresh casualties pour in as both sides try to gain ground before the armistice. A deeply troubled Hawkeye has been sent away to the psychiatric hospital where Dr. Sidney Freedman tries to help him find the cause of his breakdown, which is associated with a tragic incident on a trip back from R&R at the beach.

Other members of the unit are coping with the final days of war, and making plans to get out. Margaret’s father is trying to find her a glamorous Army post. B.J. is determined to make it back for his daughter’s birthday. Charles wants a plum appointment at a Boston hospital. Klinger worries about Soon-Lee’s attempts to find her parents. The normal business of the camp is interrupted by a runaway Army tank that crashes into the compound and destroys the half-built latrine.

With two results. First, Charles wanders off to relieve himself and stumbles on a group of Chinese musicians. They surrender and come back with him to the camp. Second, the enemy spots the tank and begins to shell the base. Father Mulcahy bravely ventures out under fire to release the POWs, a shell explodes near him, and he suffers a mild concussion. When B.J. examines him, he detects a hearing loss that Father Mulcahy begs him to keep from the rest of the company.

The barrage continues as the unit fails to move the tank out. Hawkeye returns to the 4077th and is called straight into the O.R. He is urgently needed because B.J. has received orders permitting him to go home.

Charles learns that he has been appointed to a top position at a Boston hospital but is upset with Margaret for pulling some strings for him. He consoles himself by teaching the Chinese musicians a little touch of Mozart. Klinger, meanwhile, has brought a reluctant Soon-Lee back to the safety of the camp, although she is still determined to find her parents. He is obviously in love.

The pressure on the company is temporarily relieved when Hawkeye, who has coped successfully with his return to surgery, drives the tank into the 4077th’s trash dump. But only temporarily. Fires started by incendiary bombs in the surrounding woods are visible from the camp and Colonel Potter orders evacuation proceedings.

The Colonel’s desperate plea for a relief surgeon is answered unexpectedly by the return of B.J., who was already one-third of the way home when the Army recalled him to fulfill the Colonel’s staff request. He misses his daughter’s birthday, but the company hosts a birthday party for an orphan with B.J. as the guest of honor. Klinger proposes marriage and is accepted by Soon-Lee. He is overjoyed. Charles, however, is not so happy when he loses his “orchestra” to a relocation center.

The end of the war is only hours away, but the casualties keep coming in — among them Charles’ flutist. Finally, the surgical teams learn of the immediate ceasefire as they operate on a group of desperately wounded soldiers and civilians. The war is over.

At the noisy, joyful camp party that night, members of the company talk about their lives after the war. Colonel Potter looks forward to being a semi-retired country doctor. Margaret declares she has opted for the States and a big city hospital. Klinger announces his engagement and says that he is staying in Korea to help find Soon-Lee’s parents. Charles is still going to Boston, despite Margaret’s “meddling.” B.J., of course, wants to go home, yet refuses to actually say “goodbye” to the others. And Hawkeye? Perhaps, after all, he will not be going to the big city surgical post that he always dreamed of …

After Klinger and Soon-Lee marry and leave the camp in traditional Korean style, the other members of the company depart one by one. By now, the camp is a ghost town. Father Mulcahy leaves to start a new life ministering to the deaf. Margaret is kissed and hugged. Even her disagreement with Charles is reconciled. Charles himself exits with Rizzo in a garbage truck. Colonel Potter takes Sophie for one last ride before she is adopted by the orphanage. Finally, B.J. and Hawkeye go together on B.J.’s motorbike to meet Hawkeye’s chopper. As Hawkeye looks down over the desolate camp, he sees a message B.J. has left on the pad: a GOODBYE marked out in rocks.