Season 10 (1981-82)

Regular Cast: Alan Alda, David Ogden Stiers, Mike Farrell, Harry Morgan, Loretta Swit, Jamie Farr, William Christopher

That’s Show Biz (Z-419-420)
1-Hour Episode, Split for Syndication
Episode 215 (10×01)
Aired October 26, 1981
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Gwen Verdon, Gail Edwards, Danny Dayton, Karen Landry, Amanda McBroom

A traveling USO show comes to the 4077th when one of the members needs her appendix. The young girl falls in love with her doctor, Hawkeye. The comedian with the group seems to amuse Charles but annoys Hawkeye and BJ. Charles becomes interested in one of the USO girls who plays an accordion. The tour group agrees to do the show for the camp. Another one of the tour members, a former stripper, falls in love with Col. Potter. Just when the USO group is ready to leave, they are held over at the camp because the roads are closed. The third USO singer is trying to find some ballet shoes that belonged to her brother, who was killed in action.

Identity Crisis (Z-423)
Episode 216 (10×02)
Aired November 2, 1981
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by David Ogden Stiers
Guest Stars: Dirk Blocker, Squire Fridell, Joe Pantoliano

A wounded soldier arrives at the 4077th and confesses to Father Mulcahy that he is not who his dog tags say he is. He impersonates his friend who was killed so he could use his travel orders. Mulcahy eventually convinces him to change his mind. Meanwhile, a soldier is upset because he received a “Dear John” letter. In the letter, his ex girlfriend requests for her picture back. Hawkeye takes up a collection of photographs to play a joke on her. One of the patients is an insurance salesman and bugs everyone until Charles figures out a way to shut him up.

Rumor at the Top (Z-424)
Episode 217 (10×03)
Aired November 9, 1981
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Nicholas Pryor, Jeff Maxwell, Roy Goldman

A rumor is going around camp that a new M*A*S*H unit is being formed and one of them will be going to the new unit. In order to avoid this, everyone acts different in front of the investigator to ensure the camp is not broken up. Charles, however, believes the investigator is there searching for a personal surgeon for a general. Their cover is blown, however, when a batch of wounded arrives.

Give ‘Em Hell, Hawkeye (1-G01)
Episode 218 (10×04)
Aired November 16, 1981
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Stefan Gierasch, Ed Vasgersian, Tom Kindle

Hawkeye is upset that the truce talks are going nowhere and writes a letter to President Harry Truman to share his disgust. Meanwhile, in order for the camp to receive a new water heater, Margaret and Klinger must beautify the camp. A young Korean boy wants an eye operation so he can look like an American. Father Mulcahy get blamed for the camp’s VD rate, so Col. Potter puts Charles in charge of giving business girls physicals.

Wheelers and Dealers (1-G02)
Episode 219 (10×05)
Aired November 23, 1981
Written by Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Anthony Charnota, Tony Becker, Chris Petersen

When BJ learns that his wife has taken a job as a waitress, he is upset and begins to squeeze everyone for money. Meanwhile, Col. Potter has to take a driving test after getting a ticket. When Col. Potter fails the test, he enlists Klinger to help him study.

Communication Breakdown (1-G03)
Episode 220 (10×06)
Aired November 30, 1981
Written by Karen L. Hall
Directed by Alan Alda
Guest Stars: James Saito, Byron Chung, Abby Nelson

The camp has not received any newspapers for weeks and everyone is getting antsy. Charles receives a week’s worth from his sister and the whole camp finds out. Charles announces he will read one per day than make it available to everyone. When he discovers one is missing, he blames everyone in camp who play a series of pranks to get back at him. Meanwhile, Hawkeye is upset when Korean MPs guard a wounded POW. The wounded POW turns out to be the guard’s brother.

Snap Judgment (1-G04)
Episode 221 (10×07)
Aired December 7, 1981
Written by Paul Perlove
Directed by Hy Averback
Guest Stars: Peter Hobbs

Hawkeye and BJ receive a camera from a wounded soldier who was sent home. The camera is stolen during a rash of thefts that is plaguing the camp. Klinger finds out where it might be, “Little Chicago” and goes to buy. He is stopped by some MPs and accused of stealing the camera. When an investigator shows up to investigate Klinger, everything seems to be clear for Klinger until Rosie mentions “Little Chicago.”

Snappier Judgment (1-G05)
Episode 222 (10×08)
Aired December 14, 1981
Written by Paul Perlove
Directed by Hy Averback
Guest Stars: Peter Hobbs

Klinger now has to go to trial with Charles as his lawyer. Charles is a lousy lawyer, and the prosecution seems to have a good case. Just when Klinger seems sunk, BJ and Hawkeye discover who the real thieves are by staging a fake OR and leaving Charles’ tape recorder out in the open.

‘Twas the Day After Christmas (1-G06)
Episode 223 (10×09)
Aired December 28, 1981
Written by David Pollock and Elias Davis
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Guest Stars: Michael Ensign, Leo Lewis, Val Bisoglio

When the 4077th decides to have their own version of the British holiday of Boxing Day. Klinger is appointed to commanding officer while Col. Potter is the company clerk. Hawkeye and Father Mulcahy are orderlies, BJ and Margaret are on KP, Nurse Kellye is head nurse, and Charles is head cook. When the 4077th is low on fuel, the stove has to pumped manually and the generator must be cut. Everyone seems to be enjoying their job, but Charles who dislikes the kitchen.

Follies of the Living – Concerns of the Dead (1-G07)
Episode 224 (10×10)
Aired January 4, 1982
Written by Alan Alda
Directed by Alan Alda
Guest Stars: Kario Salem, Randall Patrick, Jeff Tyler

Klinger has a very high fever and is the only cast member who can see the spirit of a dead man wondering around camp. One wounded man is giving them all trouble, and no one will listen to Margaret’s suggestions.

The Birthday Girls (1-G08)
Episode 225 (10×11)
Aired January 11, 1982
Written by Karen L. Hall
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Jerry Fujikawa, Kellye Nakahara

Margaret’s birthday is coming up and she is looking forward to going to Tokyo. Klinger agrees to take her to the airport after Margaret gets Charles to deliver a lecture to her nurses. Klinger and Margaret never make it to the airport and Klinger tries to cheer her up. Meanwhile, the camp prepares for the birth of calf. The mother is a wounded cow. Klinger puts together a pool to guess the time of birth of the calf.

Blood and Guts (1-G09)
Episode 226 (10×12)
Aired January 18, 1982
Written by Lee H. Grant
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Gene Evans, Brett Cullen, Stoney Jackson

A famous war reporter visits the camp and Hawkeye is disgusted to learn he embellishes his stories. BJ acquires a motorcycle from a wounded soldier and fixes it up. Everyone is falling head-over-heels for the reporter until he steals BJ’s motorcycle and crashes.

A Holy Mess (1-G10)
Episode 227 (10×13)
Aired February 1, 1982
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Guest Stars: Cyril O’Reilly, David Graf, Val Bisoglio

When an AWOL soldier arrives at camp, Father Mulcahy agrees to hold him in sanctuary in the Mess Tent. The MPs are after the AWOL soldier and are upset that Mulcahy is protecting him. Father learns that he is unable to consider the Mess Tent as a church because it was not a permanent structure. Meanwhile, the camp is excited the learn a farmer has donated enough eggs to the camp for everyone, but since Father is using the Mess Tent, they have to eat outside.

The Tooth Shall Set You Free (1-G11)
Episode 228 (10×14)
Aired February 8, 1982
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Tom Atkins, Jason Bernard, John Fujioka, Larry Fishburne

Charles has a tooth ache and refuses to go see a dentist. Meanwhile, Hawkeye and BJ discover a commander is using negro soldier for difficult missions, so they get wounded and sent home. The gang tricks the commander into resigning his commission.

Pressure Points (1-G12)
Episode 229 (10×15)
Aired February 15, 1982
Written by David Pollock
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Allan Arbus, John O’Connell, Gene Pietragallo, William Rogers, Roy Goldman

When Hawkeye has to operate again on one of Col. Potter’s patients, he feels as though he is losing his touch and calls Dr. Freedman to reassure him. Dr. Freedman tells him he cannot tell him if he is too old to operate. The camp learns about a new type of weapon and Charles decides to begin acting like a slob. When that annoys BJ and Hawkeye they get into a fight and tear up the Swamp.

Where There’s a Will, There’s a War (1-G13)
Episode 230 (10×16)
Aired February 22, 1982
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Alan Alda
Guest Stars: Dennis Howard, Larry Ward, Jim Borelli, James Emery

Hawkeye is sent to an aid station even though it is BJ’s turn. Hawkeye spends his time writing a will and deciding what of his belongings he would leave to whom. When the 4077th loses contact with the aid station, they have no idea if Hawkeye is alive or not.

Promotion Commotion (1-G14)
Episode 231 (10×17)
Aired March 1, 1982
Written by Dennis Koenig
Directed by Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: John Matusak, Jim Reid Boyce, Deborah Harmon, Cameron Dye, Richard Fullerton

Hawkeye, BJ, and Charles have to decide which of the enlisted men will be recommended for promotion. Everyone is extra nice to them and wants to give them extra favors. Charles is threatened by a soldier who wants to be promoted. Col. Potter becomes friend with a wounded soldier who requests a transfer to EAD and Hawkeye strikes out with a nurse. Klinger is promoted to sergeant.

Heroes (1-G15)
Episode 232 (10×18)
Aired March 15, 1982
Written by Thad Mumford and Dan Wilcox
Directed by Nell Cox
Guest Stars: Pat McNamara, Earl Boen, Britt Leach, Matthew Falson

When a boxer arrives at the camp as part of a promotional tour, he has a stroke and dies in camp. The press arrives to cover the story and Hawkeye enjoys being in the limelight (to everyone’s disgust). Meanwhile, in surgery BJ uses electricity to save a soldier’s life.

Sons and Bowlers (1-G16)
Episode 233 (10×19)
Aired March 22, 1982
Written by Elias Davis and David Pollock
Directed by Hy Averback
Guest Stars: Dick O’Neill, William Lucking, Roger Hampton

After the camp loses to the Marines, they decide to beat them at bowling. Col. Potter works hard to put together a team and learns the Marines have a real bowler on their team. Margaret, who lost them their last game, is not allowed to join until they are desperate. Meanwhile, Hawkeye learns his father is going to have a dangerous operation.

Picture This (1-G17)
Episode 234 (10×20)
Aired April 5, 1982
Written by Karen L. Hall
Directed by Burt Metcalfe
Guest Stars: John Fujioka, Jeff Maxwell

Hawkeye is upset about the lack of privacy and decides to move out of the Swamp. BJ and Charles begin to drive each other nuts and want Hawkeye back. Each member of the camp has their own plan of getting Hawkeye back in the Swamp. Meanwhile, Col. Potter paints a picture of the group for his wife. It is difficult to paint when the Swamp-rats are at each other’s throats.

That Darn Kid (1-G19)
Episode 235 (10×21)
Aired April 12, 1982
Written by Karen L. Hall
Directed by David Ogden Stiers
Guest Stars: George Presnell, John P. Ryan, Tom Kindle

When Hawkeye is in charge of the pay, the money is eaten by Klinger’s new pet goat. When an investigator arrives, he determines Hawkeye owes the US Government $22,340. To get Hawkeye off the hook, Col. Potter, Hawkeye, and Klinger get the goat to eat the investigator’s report. Meanwhile, Charles accepts a loan from Rizzo, who charges him simple interest, 100% per day.